IF ONLY

 

FOR MJ ❤

Love online is thrilling complicated and a pure sense of amusement for those who are probably looking to get hitched and feel a sense of connection with another human being. Why do we date? To feel loved, to be seen, to escape, or maybe because we feel the need to.
Is it worthwhile to be vulnerable to someone outside of yourself? These are questions that didn’t occur to me in my 20s and now I need answers to a whole new questionnaire! it is fascinating to see how the world inside us moves and shifts and embraces new ways of life as we grow and evolve! After all, everything on the outside is just a mirror of the inside. I wonder what we are transforming into? But it is happening to everyone if you keep up with the changes…

Love for me is still about dim lighting, candles and aromas, food and comforters, and of course great music .. ‘ thinking out loud’ But a breakfast date with hash browns and the enticement of a well-crafted cup of Vietnamese coffee could also match the levels of the romance of a dinner date. Lately, my encounters online have been profound and exciting. Something spectacular cooking in the cosmos.

Dating online is a place where impressions of all kinds get created. Instagram has been a place for most artists online to put out their creative work and also a lot of their personalities as well… with this being the mix, a lot of different energies get to meet with each other. Love can blossom at any point and be fun and exuberating for people to put that tiny red heart on a story and get someone’s dopamine levels racing. This repetition of ‘likes’ and hearts can become something one expects constantly… Is this the life we are creating ?? It almost feels like love but is it?

MJ 
A rather exciting bloke who wanted to have the oh-so-popular platonic relationship. He sent virtual roses and hearts to all my stories and was unbelievably attentive at all times. It is so fantastic when that one Instagram account that you are intrigued by is constantly watching everything you are doing. A person who hasn’t had a speck of attention in years; laps up all of this in a jiffy. It is like living in the desert of hope. Being in a relationship on Instagram is like making a cup of instant coffee, the premixed kind that usually comes in flavors. It is full of surprise and all you do is wait for the next sip. The smell of coffee has always been more alluring than the taste of it for me but MJ was my perfect cup of tea. He made me feel special and for some reason, his focus on me added a sense of worthiness and took away all boredom.

A stoicism follower; an avid reader and a high-class achiever with intelligence oozing… He had this power over his subject. A fabulous conversationalist claimed to be an introvert and was deeply affectionate. It was simply lovely to connect with this attractive soul. To get a rational mind to emote also was a different kind of high. I kept coming back for more and my stories seemed to be centered around him in many ways. It is funny how patterns and subconscious ideas manifest in imaginary relationships that don’t see the light of day.

My moral compass always rules most of my decisions and over time MJ revealed he was married. Suddenly his powerful display picture with the vibrant aubergine shirt, folded hands and his intense powerful stare all seemed to dwindle like the light of the setting sun and I knew it was time to fly back home. His stark white hair added an immense sense of wisdom and almost made me feel like I was in a movie chatting with Richard Gere. A short-lived romance that led him to Unfollow me and take a step back as I had requested. Not a puppy dog for sure, but a pet I’m going to miss !!